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Jaejoong stared down at his paper and sighed.
Failure stared at him in the face in the form of a bright red D on his paper, and he honestly didn’t think he could ever feel so numb. He let his face fall into his hands, his frustrations overflowing. He didn’t know what to do anymore.
He was failing and there was nothing he could do to get things right. All he wanted to do was quit but his almost daily phone calls from his mother reminded him that he couldn’t be a failure.
Despite how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get things right.
His phone began to ring. Jaejoong picked it up without bothering to see who the caller was.
“Are you coming tomorrow night?”
Jaejoong let out a soft sigh and ran a hand through his hair, “Of course I am…”
“You sound tired,” Yunho whispered on the other line, “Do you –“
Jaejoong sighed, “No, don’t come over,” he set his head down onto the table and stared at the white walls of his room and exhaled again, “You should rehearse.”
“But –“
“Yunho, I said no.”
Silence fell between them, but just as Jaejoong was about to apologize, Yunho cut in and spoke first.
“I wish I could be there for you.”
Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered shut, and he held his phone a little tighter. Warmth spread across his chest and he felt like he was on the verge of crying, “Don’t worry,” he whispered, “I know you’re here for me even though you’re there.”
“Jaejoong…”
He sat up and ran another hand through his hair, “I’ll be there tomorrow night, okay Yunho? Don’t worry. I just have to…I need to take care of things.”
“Okay, I understand.”
Jaejoong hung up not too long afterwards, and he let out another heavy sigh. He was tired, he was worn out, but no matter what, Yunho always made him feel better somehow.
Within the quiet of the room, Jaejoong made a silent promise to himself. He’d spent so much time denying himself of what he wanted, but he didn’t want to do that any longer. He didn’t like keeping Yunho at a distance, and he wanted nothing more than to just reply to Yunho and tell him the truth.
I love you.
o-o-o
It was all too reminiscent of that first night – his feelings of failure mixed with giddiness and excitement, and as Jaejoong sat down on a bar stool, he couldn’t help but feel a small gush of pride. He ordered a beer from Joonha, who oddly still recognized him, and waited for Yunho to start performing.
Familiar arms wrapped around his waist, and Jaejoong turned his head, well aware of who would be behind him.
“Yunho,” he breathed out, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.
His boyfriend smiled brighter and pressed a kiss to the back of Jaejoong’s ear. He hugged Jaejoong tightly and set his chin down onto the other man’s shoulder, “I’m nervous about performing in front of you.”
“Why?” Jaejoong asked softly, his heart pounding in his chest, “You shouldn’t be nervous in front of me.”
“But I am,” Yunho insisted with a small smile, “I’m nervous because you’re you, and I’m nervous because I want to impress you. Don’t be disappointed if I mess up lyrics later, okay?”
“Stop it,” Jaejoong murmured, “I…”
Yunho said nothing and silenced Jaejoong with a chaste kiss. When he pulled away, a knowing smile graced his lips, and he toyed idly with the ends of Jaejoong’s hair before he fluidly moved away and headed for the stage.
Jaejoong exhaled softly, and when he turned to look at Joonha, the older man was looking at him knowingly.
“You’ve been charmed, haven’t you?” Joonha said as he pushed forward a free martini to Jaejoong, “I can’t say I blame you kid. You’re not the first.”
“…what do you mean?” Jaejoong questioned, his brows knitting in confusion, “Are you trying to say –“
Joonha shook his head and laughed boisterously, “No, he’s not a player, don’t worry. He’s just the charming type – even my wife likes him and she hates musicians. I’ve seen enough people watch him the same way you do, except you’re lucky enough to have him look at you in the same way.”
“Lucky?” Jaejoong smiled to himself, “I guess…”
He looked over to where Yunho was setting up with his band and his heart fluttered in his chest when Yunho turned around to smile at him. Before he could prevent himself from doing so, he raised his hand and waved.
Yunho waved back and leaned into the microphone, “This is for you bunny,” he said with a wink before he shrugged his leather jacket off and let it fall down onto the stage. His band members rolled their eyes at his behavior but Jaejoong could only blush.
“You’ve got it bad son,” Joonha said teasingly, “You’ve fallen for him—hook, line and sinker.”
The words took a while to seep into his mind and Jaejoong couldn’t bring himself to protest. He was tired of not doing and saying what he wanted. He’d spent the last two weeks deciding what he felt about Yunho, and he finally knew what he felt.
He loved Yunho. In fact, Jaejoong was pretty sure that he loved everything about the other man. They hadn’t known each other for that long, but there was something just absolutely right about everything and he didn’t want to let go.
Jaejoong turned to the older man and raised his beer, “I’ll drink to that.”
o-o-o
The lights dimmed as soon as the band finished setting up. Jaejoong stopped talking to Joonha and waited for the music to start. He honestly didn’t know what to expect because Yunho had never played anything for him, and he’d never really spoken about what kind of music he played.
“He’s good,” Joonha murmured as he leaned onto the bar counter, “I didn’t tell him, but there are a couple music agents here tonight who came based off my commendation.”
Jaejoong turned his head and lowered his voice, “Are you serious?”
The older man grinned, “Yes. Didn’t think I had the connections, did you?” he laughed and patted Jaejoong’s shoulder, “If I get your boyfriend launched into superstardom, you two better thank me at your wedding.”
Jaejoong chuckled and just as he was about to say something in reply, the band started to play. He immediately turned away from and fixed his eyes instantly on Yunho. The first few songs were upbeat and frenzied, driving everyone’s attention from what they were currently occupied with to the band on stage.
As the night wore on, Yunho took a break and smiled, “So, this is our last song for the night…and, yeah, it’s the last.”
The audience chattered with laughter and Yunho’s smile grew wider, “It’s a bit sad, so…I’m sorry in advance, but just…just listen,” he said, his eyes intentionally finding Jaejoong in the crowd, “It’s nothing special, just another song about love, but maybe, you guys will find something in it that you can relate to.”
The song was a slow one, and Jaejoong clenched his fist tightly as soon as Yunho began to sing.
I don’t know why,
But during these times,
When I see you lying in my sheets,
Our bodies intertwined,
You lying near me, fast asleep.
My heart is beating,
And I pray you never go.
Stay with me tonight,
Is it wrong to hope for more?
To wish, to pray for that someday,
When you won’t leave.
He had never heard Yunho sing in what seemed to be almost like a desperate manner, and Jaejoong was immediately entranced. Yunho’s voice was sonorous perfection - low, husky and fascinating.
The song was slow but possessed a strange intensity, and Jaejoong couldn’t tear his eyes away off Yunho to look anywhere else. Jaejoong felt a selfish pleasure to know that Yunho was practically offering himself to him, but Jaejoong knew that he felt the same for Yunho – that the amount of love he held in his heart for the singer was more than he’d ever had for anyone else.
The only difference was that hadn’t made his feelings known.
Yunho’s eyes found his and Jaejoong felt like Yunho knew what he was going to say later that night.
Baby please, I understand,
I know your heart’s been broken,
Your soul’s been bruised,
But I’m not like them, I swear,
These promises are not lies,
Believe in this, in me, in love,
It’s all so simple, can’t you see?
Stay with me tonight,
Is it wrong to hope for more?
To wish, to pray, for that someday,
When you won’t leave.
Maybe someday,
Maybe someday,
You won’t leave.
Jaejoong remained rooted to the spot, and as soon as the song had ended, a loud applause started. He smiled proudly but kept his distance. The band began to pack up their instruments and Jaejoong watched as a man in a suit approached Yunho and directed him to an isolated corner of the stage.
Jaejoong watched as the two men talked for a few minutes. The suited stranger handed Yunho a card, shook hands and left the stage. Yunho immediately turned to his bandmates and exchanged a few words, grinning widely and motioning to the disappearing man. Jaejoong smiled knowingly as Yunho’s fellow bandmates shared tearful hugs and pats on the back.
He watched from afar as the band hugged each other tightly obviously pleased with what Yunho had just told them, and without a single word being said to him, Jaejoong knew what had just happened.
“Are you happy?” Joonha asked, “It’s always been his dream you know.”
Jaejoong glanced at the older man and nodded, “Of course I am. I’m…” he trailed off and laughed, “I know this sounds ridiculous, but I know he’ll make it. He’s just…he’s just that kind of person, you know? No matter what happens…he’ll get to wherever he wants to be.”
Joonha nodded in agreement and pushed himself off the counter, “So, would you like another drink to celebrate?”
“No thanks,” Jaejoong said politely as he turned away to see that Yunho had strapped his guitar onto his shoulder and was heading in their direction, “Something tells me that I won’t be here for much longer.”
o-o-o
“So you liked it?” Yunho breathed out nervously as soon as they’d made their way out of the club. His hands were in his pockets, and Jaejoong smiled at his adorable behavior.
He nodded, “I did, I liked it a lot,” Jaejoong murmured as he leaned in closer to Yunho so that their arms could brush against each other as they walked, “I also saw that agent approach you.”
Yunho took his hand out of his pocket to hold Jaejoong’s hand firmly in his before he replied, “Yeah, I know. Crazy, right? I…”
“I’m so proud of you,” Jaejoong said as soon as Yunho’s speech trailed off. He smiled up happily at Yunho and couldn’t help himself from leaning in closer, “You’re going to get what you’ve dreamed of…”
“But…”
He trailed off, and Jaejoong looked up in concern, “What’s wrong? You should be happy right now –“
Yunho shook his head and smiled, “It’s just…I’m scared. We haven’t exactly gotten the deal yet, but we have a meeting with the agent on Monday at his office. This is…I just never thought it was going to happen, you know? I’ve spent so much of my life thinking that maybe I made a mistake in going down this road that I just can’t believe that I’ve gotten this far.”
Jaejoong nodded in understanding before he hugged Yunho tightly and buried his face into the taller man’s chest, “I’ll be here for you, okay?” He looked up at Yunho and smiled beautifully, “Shit, I think…I think I’m going crazy,” he laughed and at himself and shook his head, “You’re doing this to me.”
“Doing what?” Yunho breathed out, his voice barely above a whisper.
Jaejoong bit his lip and buried his face back into Yunho’s chest, “You’re making me fall in love with you…no, you’ve made me fall in love with you, and…and I’m scared, but I’m happy and...” He looked up at Yunho, “I…I think I love you too.”
His heart pounded in his chest, and Jaejoong didn’t really know what Yunho would say, so he made up for the silence by rambling.
“I don’t know what to say anymore,” Jaejoong said nervously as he fidgeted underneath Yunho’s gaze, “I don’t have the creativity to say something about how much…how much I feel for you, but I’m being completely serious here. You know my life’s pretty fucked up, hell, I’m a fuck up, but you love me anyway and –“
Yunho shut him up with a passionate kiss, crashing his lips down onto Jaejoong’s and pulling Jaejoong closer for more. Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered shut, and he kissed Yunho back, relishing the feeling of Yunho’s tongue sliding against his.
After a few pleasurable minutes, Yunho pulled away, and Jaejoong let go of a small moan of disappointment. His cheeks were flushed, his lips were bruised and his eyes were glossed over with lust, but all Jaejoong could really concentrate on was how to keep breathing.
“You’re not a fuck up.”
Jaejoong held him tighter, and he didn’t know what to say. His heart was pounding in his chest, and his mind was going haywire. He said nothing and instead to bury his face into Yunho’s chest, hoping that it would be enough to convey to Yunho how much he felt – how much he needed him.
“Let’s go back to my place,” Yunho whispered, “You can stay the night, right?”
Jaejoong chuckled softly and carded his fingers through Yunho’s hair, “Don’t worry, I won’t leave…but, this isn’t about sex,” he whispered, “I don’t…you make me feel like I’m doing this just because...I love you because…you’re the best person I’ve ever known in my entire life and –“
Yunho kissed him again, and when he pulled away, he cupped Jaejoong’s cheeks, “You shouldn’t be crying right now,” he whispered, “Don’t worry…I believe you.”
o-o-o
As soon as they were inside Yunho’s messy apartment, Jaejoong tugged Yunho by his leather jacket and dragged him to the sofa. They both fell onto the small, worn piece of furniture, and Jaejoong quickly clambered over Yunho to claim his mouth.
Their lips slotted together perfectly, and Yunho wrapped his tongue around Jaejoong’s, kissing him hungrily and lustfully. Jaejoong kissed Yunho back roughly, and he lifted his hips up slightly before he lowered them and began to grind against Yunho.
“Fuck, baby,” Yunho hissed, as he moved his hips upward to meet Jaejoong’s thrusts. He unbuckled Jaejoong’s pants and slipped his hand past the fabric to grasp at Jaejoong’s hardened cock, and he laughed breathily when Jaejoong moaned into his shoulder.
“Wait, wait,” Jaejoong pleaded as Yunho continued to toy with his erection. He looked up at Yunho desperately, and the other retracted his hand so that Jaejoong could climb off of him and toss his pants and boxers aside.
Jaejoong pulled off his shirt and tossed it down onto the floor, and he smiled at Yunho before walking away in the direction of the bedroom. He didn’t have to wait long because after a few seconds, he felt Yunho’s arms wrap around his waist.
“Leaving so soon baby?” Yunho whispered as he turned the other man around to face him.
Jaejoong smiled and wrapped his arms around Yunho’s neck, “I wouldn’t dream of –“ he broke out into a sharp squeak as soon as Yunho quickly lifted him off the ground, forcing him to wrap his legs around the other man.
“Let’s go to bed,” Yunho murmured before he kissed Jaejoong softly on the lips and led him into his bedroom.
He pushed Jaejoong onto the bed and clambered over the smaller man. Jaejoong buried his fingers into Yunho’s hair and pulled his face closer so that they could kiss once more. He relished the unique taste of Yunho – cigarettes, alcohol, and coffee and desperately searched for more of it.
Yunho tore his mouth away to kiss Jaejoong’s neck, and Jaejoong moaned when he began to bite at his skin.
“You’re still dressed,” Jaejoong panted as Yunho’s mouth continued to move lower, and his nails dug into the leather that was draped across Yunho’s back, “Get rid of your clothes.”
Yunho moved off Jaejoong for a few moments, and Jaejoong helped take off Yunho’s leather jacket and his shirt. He pushed Yunho onto the bed, and he fumbled with nervousness as he unbuckled Yunho’s pants and shoved them down before Yunho kicked them off.
“Lube?”
“In the drawer,” Yunho drawled as he sat up slightly and wrapped a hand around his erection. His thumb toyed with the tip of his cock. Jaejoong watched hungrily as Yunho’s tongue ran along his lower lip before he quickly moved off the bed to fetch the lube.
As soon as he had it in his hands, Yunho took hold of it and slathered some onto his fingers. Jaejoong scooted closer, pressing his naked body against Yunho’s, and his eyes fluttered shut as soon as he felt the first finger penetrate.
He held Yunho tightly and screwed his eyes shut, moaning loudly as Yunho prepared him. After a few minutes, Yunho pulled his fingers out, and Jaejoong met his eyes.
“I love you,” Jaejoong whispered first, and he kissed Yunho reassuringly before he lifted himself off of Yunho’s lap. He held the base of Yunho’s cock and slowly lowered himself onto his erection. He was still rather tight, and Jaejoong had to gasp for breath as soon as Yunho’s cock was nestled inside of him.
Jaejoong slowly began to lift himself up and the moment he slammed back down onto Yunho, they both let out loud groans. Yunho grasped his waist tightly, and he bucked upwards, encouraging Jaejoong to go again. Jaejoong bounced up and down on Yunho’s lap, the indecent sounds of skin slapping against skin filling the room.
His muscles burned, but Jaejoong didn’t particularly care. His nails dug into Yunho’s skin, and he continued to ride Yunho, desperate for his release. Jaejoong knew he wouldn’t last much longer, after a few more thrusts he came all over Yunho’s stomach.
Without much preamble, Yunho shifted, “I’m not done yet baby,” he whispered, and he pushed Jaejoong off to have the latter settle onto his hands and knees. Jaejoong could barely hold himself up, still recovering from the force of his orgasm, but he complied with Yunho’s silent demand and anyway. He let out a pleasured moan as soon as Yunho thrust back into him, and he clawed at the sheets as Yunho pounded into him deeper than he had before.
Yunho left kisses all over his back, and Jaejoong could feel himself get aroused again, and as soon as Yunho thrusts began to get rougher and more desperate, he gripped the bed sheets so tightly his knuckles were white.
“Ah! Yunho!” Jaejoong moaned shamelessly as the bed creaked underneath them. He let out another moan as soon as Yunho began to pump his erection, and Jaejoong surrendered himself to the pleasure.
Everything was a daze to him and all he could register was the pleasurable burn brought about by Yunho’s thrusts. He moaned and mewled underneath Yunho without any reservations, and as soon as Yunho came, he followed soon after, his voice hoarse as he moaned Yunho’s name once again for the nth time that night.
He collapsed onto the bed, completely unable to hold himself up any longer, and Yunho’s body covered his. They panted for a few minutes to catch their breath, and when Yunho pulled out, Jaejoong felt a trickle of cum slide down his thigh.
Jaejoong pressed their bodies close together, not caring that they were both dirty and sticky, wanting only to be as close to Yunho as he could possibly get. He nuzzled up against Yunho and sighed softly, his hand settling over Yunho’s heart.
Yunho placed his hand over Jaejoong’s and glanced at him, the look in his eyes radiating more emotion and love than anything he could’ve said to make Jaejoong believe that he was truly in love him.
“I want you to be happy,” Jaejoong whispered as he met Yunho’s eyes in the darkness. He rested his head against Yunho’s chest, “I want you to follow your dreams, and I want you to –“
“We will be happy,” Yunho amended and his pulled Jaejoong closer, “No wait, that isn’t right either. We are happy, right?”
Jaejoong felt like crying, and so he buried his face against Yunho’s chest to avoid breaking out into tears and held him impossibly closer, not wanting to ever leave or to ever be separated from him again.
“Yes, we are,” he whispered, his heart pounding in his chest as he spoke.
He’d never been happier in his entire life.
< >
Author’s Note: …this story is actually going to end soon too. LOL. XD Everything’s ending! *emotional music plays* I promise the next chapter of this will come out much faster than this one did. OTL Thank you all for remaining with this story, thank you for reading, and thank you for commenting! Oh right, forgive me for my poor attempt at song writing which has been displayed in this chapter. OTL Also, please do check out my first ever MinChun fic which is the spin-off to Promises! I love you all~ ♥
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Date: 2012-07-14 12:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 02:46 pm (UTC)LOL, I feel like I haven't been active enough on LJ, because I totally forgot about this OTL
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Date: 2012-07-14 12:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 12:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 01:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 12:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 01:16 pm (UTC)damn jj took you that long to realize but hey, at least you finally got the balls to admit it. :P
anne, bb thanks for updating. i'm in love with this fic. can't you tell? 8D
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Date: 2012-07-14 01:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-15 07:02 am (UTC)I like, have all these feelings right now and I just can't. I just can't, okay
And good lord, you gave us smut, too :'D perfect update, Anne ♥ and like, I'm sarreh my comments seem to be less enthusiastic than they were before but school has somewhat sucked out the enthusiasm in me (though a portion of it still remains :>) so, please excuse mah comments ;~;
Oh, one more thing. UUUGH YOU ARE ENDING ANOTHER STORY DDD: WHYYYYYYYY
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Date: 2012-07-14 01:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 01:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 01:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 01:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 01:42 pm (UTC)yes yes yes! its coming to an end :(
but oh my gosh thank goodness for this chapter! i am loving it XD
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Date: 2012-07-14 02:05 pm (UTC)anyway, i love how jaejoong fall slowly but surely to yunho and damnit yunho with that song dedicating to jae is kdsfjihrfksndfiowfawesomenfpewojf...
and the smut??? no need to comment on that because you always be forever writing brainfuckingbelievable smut period. XD
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Date: 2012-07-14 02:36 pm (UTC)it took Jaejoong long enough but I think hearing that song perhaps seal the deal for him to realize and confess his feelings.
I love his confession. I would imagine that is so him when he does things naturally and not the idol talk.
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Date: 2012-07-14 02:54 pm (UTC)I enjoy all your stories so much, cannot wait to see what you'll come up with after slowly wrapping up your older ones~~
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Date: 2012-07-14 03:50 pm (UTC)this chapter was super fluffy *-* Jae finally confessed his feelings, own <3
I'm curious about how this will end~
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Date: 2012-07-14 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 04:43 pm (UTC)I feel like I cry all over your fics lmao xD
But anyway, omg it's ending too ;_____; nooooo but I see the end in sight tbh ><
The song was cute x3 and the smut was awesome as usual 8D I wonder how it'll end >
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Date: 2012-07-14 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 06:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 06:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 06:17 pm (UTC)This is verryy sweet! ^_^ I love how it goes. And how they R connected n just understand each other. Esp how patient n clever Yunho has been to clear off Jae's insecurities n fear!
Wish U luck Jung for your dream!
And wish Jae all the best too in life. Hope he's gonna get better.
And yeah. Very late update! But its OK! :) I can wait n I love every single one of your updates 8D
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Date: 2012-07-14 06:24 pm (UTC)But really, I'm glad they've both expressed their feelings and are so happy. <33 Though all of this perfect happiness makes me feel like something bad could happen soon. :/ But I'm hoping for the best! YunJae fighting!! xD
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Date: 2012-07-14 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-14 11:33 pm (UTC)I'm glad this story is ending, for a second I thought it was gonna turn angst, Yunho becoming famous and neglecting jae out of ego :(
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Date: 2012-07-15 12:57 am (UTC)I really like this story and I'm sad it will end soon but thank U.
Thank U for working so hard on this story~^^
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Date: 2012-07-15 04:10 am (UTC)But I love this chap, finally JJ confess his feeling to YH.
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Date: 2012-07-15 11:55 am (UTC)plus i really love everything that's happening between them ^___^
thank you so much for this update ^^
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Date: 2012-07-15 07:01 pm (UTC)Yes yes, u love him, he love u, we are happy together jae~~~ *n i love them both, dont forget. Haha*
Hmmm, crying isnt bad, jae..
Thank you!
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Date: 2012-07-16 01:38 am (UTC)I'm happy Jaejoong was able to say I love you finally
Yunho was so cute too when he was acting all shy Lol you're song writing skills aren't bad! I actually thought that it was a real song at first until it said someday in the lyrics OTL
the smut was yummy and if I was Yunho I would make love to Jaejoong in more than one position too ;) /gets shot
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Date: 2012-07-16 05:08 am (UTC)Thank you for sharing!
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Date: 2012-07-16 05:22 am (UTC)i almost forget bout this fic ;~; OTL
Jae at last! :') ♥
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Date: 2012-07-16 06:57 am (UTC)simply beautiful;
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Date: 2012-07-16 12:38 pm (UTC)i loved this chapter, so much fluff <333
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Date: 2012-07-16 02:11 pm (UTC)this story going to end soon? hope it would be happy ending for both yunjae :D
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Date: 2012-07-17 06:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-18 12:47 pm (UTC)i just hope that nothing bad will happen to either of them...
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Date: 2012-07-18 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-21 07:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 06:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-07 02:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-18 01:40 pm (UTC)