Jaejoong was just about done getting ready when the door opened, and he turned around to see who was there. His mother smiled at him, and he smiled back at her as she entered. He handed her his tie, and he didn’t miss the fact that her eyes were glimmering with unshed tears as she approached him.
“This is the last time you’ll be wearing this,” she commented quietly as she did his tie slowly. “And you won’t be asking me to help you out with your tie any more –“
“If it makes you feel better, I already know how to do it.”
Mrs. Kim tightened the tie on purpose, causing Jaejoong to choke, and she chuckled before loosening it quickly. “Always such a naughty child,” she murmured. “I never knew how to deal with you.”
Jaejoong watched his mother as she knotted his tie, and when she finished, she kept her hands against his chest. She finally looked up and smiled at him, a tear slipping past her eye.
“Maybe you haven’t noticed, but you’ve grown up so much.” Mrs. Kim’s smile widened, but she was still on the verge of tears. “A lot of it has to do with Yunho, but a lot of it also has just to do with the fact that you’re getting older – making mistakes, falling in love, creating new memories…all of them have changed you into the man you are today. You’re no longer my baby boy.”
He was silent, unsure of what to say, but when another tear rolled down his mother’s cheek, Jaejoong quickly embraced her tightly. She hugged him back with equal strength, pouring in years’ worth of motherly love and devotion into her hug.
Jaejoong buried his face into his mother’s shoulder, hiding his embarrassment as a few tears rolled down his cheeks and stained his mother’s blouse. His mother chuckled when she felt the wetness against her skin, and she pulled away so that she could cup her son’s face and wipe away his tears.
“I love you so much sweetheart, and although you’re not my baby boy any longer,” Mrs. Kim whispered, her teary eyes shining brightly with overwhelming amounts of love and pride. “You’ll always be my son.”
o-o-o
“Do you know where Yunho is?”
Jaejoong turned away from his friends and shook his head, only then realizing that he hadn’t run into his boyfriend yet. Most of the candidates for graduation were lined up for their march, but Yunho was nowhere to be found.
“We’re supposed to march first…” Changmin trailed off, a frown on his lips. “He’s not answering my calls, so I thought he’d be with you. I know he’s here, I saw him earlier.”
“Oh.” Jaejoong frowned and thought for a few seconds. “How much longer until you two have to start the march…?”
“Thirty minutes,” Changmin answered. “Can you help me look for him…?”
Jaejoong nodded. “Sure. If I find him, I’ll make sure to call you.”
The younger student turned away, and Jaejoong watched him go before he said a quick goodbye to his friends so that he could look for Yunho. He walked out of the waiting area and turned his eyes to the main building. Before he made his way there, he decided to try calling Yunho, just to see if the other would respond.
After three rings, Yunho picked up.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?” Jaejoong asked, his eyes on his feet. “Changmin’s looking at you, and we have to march soon. Have you forgotten your position as Mr. Valedictorian or are you just trying to be special?”
“I’m in the student council office,” Yunho answered. “Do you want to join me?”
With a slight frown, Jaejoong began to make his way in the direction of the office. “Why are you there of all places?” he asked. “Actually, I want to know how you’re in there in the first place. Isn’t everything locked –“
“I have a spare key. I had it made as soon as I got elected student council president.”
Jaejoong laughed, and a smile quickly replaced his frown. “Well that’s surprisingly uncharacteristic of you. Isn’t that against school rules?”
“Well, they can’t punish me for it now, can they?” Yunho chuckled across the line. “So, are you coming or not? If you’re not coming, I’m going to lock up and head over to where everyone is –“
“No, I’m coming,” Jaejoong replied. “If I’m going to commit one last act of delinquency, I want it to be with you, my partner-in-crime.”
“So you’re finally acknowledging that you are a bad influence.”
“Oh baby, I’ve always been bad,” Jaejoong began, his smile turning cheeky. “You just still don’t know how bad I really am.”
o-o-o
Jaejoong twisted the doorknob, and he paused when he saw Yunho. The other student was seated on his desk, his eyes gazing out the window. It took a few seconds, but he finally turned his head and looked at Jaejoong.
“I never got to say goodbye to this place, or well, at least…properly,” Yunho said softly as his hand ran along the wooden surface of the desk. “This is…”
“Our special place,” Jaejoong said as he shut the door behind him and began to walk over. He couldn’t remember where he’d sat during that first day of theirs, but he suddenly felt the touch of nostalgia grip his heart. He shot a smile at Yunho and tilted his head. “I’ll miss this room.”
“Me too.”
Silence fell between them, and Jaejoong took that opportunity to close the distance between them. He sat down on the table in front of Yunho’s, his feet gently nudging the other’s so that he would look up at him. When Yunho raised his eyes, Jaejoong held his gaze then spoke.
“Is there something you want to say?” he asked, well aware that there was more than just nostalgia behind Yunho’s actions.
Yunho took a deep breath and sighed. He turned his gaze away from Jaejoong and looked out the window. “This is goodbye you know?” he said slowly, his voice hesitant and not carrying his usual confidence. “As soon as graduation’s over…we’re leaving here.”
“I know.”
He looked at Jaejoong, “You’re not scared?”
Jaejoong looked down at the floor and stared at his school shoes, newly shined for the last day of their usage. He stared at them for a few seconds, allowing himself to mull over his thoughts – briefly thinking back to his and Yunho’s conversation that had taken place only hours earlier, before he raised his head to answer.
“Of course I’m scared,” he answered, the words pouring out of him easily. “There’s so much I don’t know about what’s beyond here,” Jaejoong spoke, making sure to hold Yunho’s gaze, “All I know…all I know is that I have so much to learn, but what I’m supposed to learn, I really don’t know. I’m scared, trust me, I’m scared. I don’t want to lose…I don’t want to lose people, memories, ideas…”
He trailed off, and Jaejoong had to avert his gaze quickly as reality gripped his heart tightly. For some reason, his mind had just suddenly failed him when he needed it the most. Moving on was an overload of emotions, a bullet to the heart, but at the same time, a breath of fresh air. There was so much left for him to do with his life, so much for all of them to do with their lives, and the possibilities for the future were endless and overwhelming.
But despite all that, Jaejoong knew that saying goodbye wasn’t really an end. No one dictated the future, and no one really had an idea of where life would take them. There wasn’t any point in living in fear – of being afraid of the future, not when the future was unshaped and malleable.
Life was more than just a sum of happiness and tears – so much more than that, and Jaejoong wanted nothing more than to enjoy his. Fuck fear, fuck uncertainty, and fuck tears – they were inevitable, but he would deal with them. Yunho had taught him the value of careful action, but if there was one thing Jaejoong wanted Yunho to remember forever, it was that sometimes, one didn’t need to think in order to be happy.
There was nothing more important in life than to enjoy it, and there was no way that one could enjoy life by allowing fear to take a grip of one’s choices or feelings. In order to keep moving, to keep learning, and to keep living, there were some things that just had to be left behind, things that were meant to be kept as happy memories of the past.
“No matter what,” Jaejoong said as he pushed off the desk and stood up, “through the sad and the happy, you’ll have me, okay?” he spoke, a genuine smile finding its way on his lips. “I insist that you’re responsible for me and all my insanity.”
Yunho laughed, and he moved so that he could stand. He crossed the final distance between them and cupped Jaejoong’s cheeks, his touch gentle but filled with a lover’s passion. “I love you, so much,” he whispered. “You really…you really don’t understand how much you’ve changed me.”
Jaejoong bit his lip, the way Yunho looking at him being a bit too much for him. His heart pounded in his chest, and he could feel his emotions rising. “Are you trying to make me cry?”
“I don’t know,” Yunho said with a laugh, a smile finally appearing on his lips. “Have you already cried today?”
“Yes, with my mom. I think Yoochun’s rubbing off on me.”
Yunho laughed and pressed their foreheads together, his nose grazing against Jaejoong’s in the process. “I finished my graduation speech with you in mind you know,” he whispered, “I thought about everything you’ve taught me, and everything I’ve ever wanted to say to you.”
Jaejoong smiled. “I’m a little too young to get married…”
They laughed, kissed, then gazed at one another, that one look filled with understanding and the depth of their feelings for one another.
The future was filled with uncertainty, and things were bound to change, but if there was one thing they both knew that they didn’t want to let go of, it was each other. Perhaps they were still too young, and perhaps they still weren’t sure enough of everything they wanted, but at that moment, they both just knew.
Love wasn’t a feeling unique to them, and others had felt the emotion at the same magnitude, but what did that matter in the presence of that one person who completed you imperfectly but perfectly at the same time? It didn’t matter if others had experienced the same, what mattered most was that it was them, and no one else. They were the ones who’d learned about so much more than just each other, and they were who they were, Yunho and Jaejoong, and together, they just were perfect in their passionate, youthful, and unusual romance.
Whether it was fate, destiny, or any other trick of time, there were some things that were just not meant to be let go of.
o-o-o
He fidgeted in line, and Jaejoong watched as his batchmates marched across the stage to receive their diplomas then turn their tassel. Most of the graduation ceremony had been a boring blur – as expected, but this was finally his moment. It was his time to finally finish the four years that had shaped so much of who he currently was.
“Kim Jaejoong.”
Slowly, he fought the nervousness in his system and began to make his way up the steps. His eyes caught Yunho’s briefly, and he shot him a small smile before he made his way to the principal. He watched as the woman picked up his diploma, and she handed it out to him.
“Congratulations,” she spoke, and in one word, he could truly feel that she was happy for him. He smiled back at her and accepted it before he shook her hand.
“Thank you,” he replied before he quickly added, “I’m sorry for all the trouble.”
The woman chuckled, and she shook her head in amusement. “It’s all part of the learning process. Now go,” she said as she gestured to the platform. “Stand there, smile pretty like you usually do, and turn your tassel.”
Jaejoong shot the woman one last brilliant smile before he turned away. He went up to the platform, turned his tassel then smiled, catching his parents’ proud gazes in the audience.
After a few seconds, and a couple of bright camera flashes, he finally stepped down and made his way back to his seat in the theater. The rest of the ceremony passed easily enough, but it was only when Yunho started his valedictory speech that he finally paid more attention.
Each word, meaningfully spoken and passionately stated, hit him harder than when he’d read the speech only a couple of hours earlier in the day. Jaejoong felt himself on the verge of tears, but his lips were split into the widest smile. Nothing could diminish the love he felt for Yunho at that moment, and as soon as Yunho had finished his speech, he shot up out of his seat and started clapping.
Despite the initial amused laughter from his batchmates, they all got up onto their feet and showered their student council president and valedictorian with thunderous applause.
Not bothering to ask them to sit back down, the principal came up to the stand, her eyes sweeping over all of them. The excitement in the air was palpable, and Jaejoong could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He caught Yunho’s eyes, and they held each other’s gaze.
The principal began to speak, but Jaejoong was too much caught up in Yunho to focus. Once again stuck in their own little world, he only realized that things were about to come to an end when he felt his seatmate move to remove her graduation cap so that she could throw it later.
In a few words, the principal ended her speech, thus closing one chapter of their lives and opening another.
“Congratulations, class of 2013!”
o-o-o
Jaejoong quickly scanned the swarm of students for Yunho, but trying to find him was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. He gripped his mother and father tightly, pushing past people so that he could find his boyfriend.
“Sweetie, why don’t you just call Yunho –“
“Mom, I doubt he’ll hear –“
Without meaning to, Jaejoong crashed into another person. He looked up, meaning to apologize, but he froze when he saw Yunho. Before the latter could say anything, Jaejoong quickly hugged him tightly. He heard his parents chuckle in amusement, and when he stepped back, he blushed at the sight of Mr. and Mrs. Jung, who’d just finished greeting his parents.
“Congratulations dear,” Mrs. Jung said as she leaned forward to kiss Jaejoong’s cheek. When she pulled away, she glanced at her son. “Shall we take a picture of you two?” she suggested, a bright smile on her face.
Jaejoong’s parents seconded the idea, and Jaejoong and Yunho were quickly pushed against each other. Jaejoong laughed, and Yunho placed his arm around over the shorter student’s shoulders. He was slotted perfectly against Yunho, and Jaejoong’s smile was genuine in front of the cameras.
After a couple of flashes, he felt Yunho inch closer to press a quick kiss to his forehead, and Jaejoong turned so that he could smile up at him. Yunho glanced at him and mirrored the gesture.
No words were exchanged, and Jaejoong was satisfied being there with Yunho in front of their parents, and in the midst of their sea of batchmates. At that moment, an idea struck him, and it moved him so much that Jaejoong closed the distance between him and Yunho and kissed his boyfriend – completely uncaring of where they were or who they were with.
How had he come to this moment? Never in his wildest dreams would he have ever believed that someday, Jung Yunho would be his boyfriend or that he would’ve matured into who he was now. He’d changed, and he was proud of that – a different person and now Jung Yunho’s Kim Jaejoong, but still very much his own Kim Jaejoong as well.
Going to school, building friendships, and falling in love, all of them made life what it was – a learning process, and as he turned to the future, Jaejoong knew better than to think that things were really ending, because life wasn’t ending. There was so much left to learn, so much more for him to love, and so much to experience.
No, life wasn’t ending with high school.
In fact, it was only just about to really begin.
Fin ♥
<
Author’s Note (this is the last, I’m sorry, it’s so long):
I’m sorry to be so sentimental, but I can’t help myself. This is the end of the first chaptered story I ever posted on Livejournal, the second story I ever posted on my journal, and just…it feels like everything’s finally come to an end. When I started this story, I was in high school, and as I end it, I’m now in university. I cried so many tears over writing this last chapter, more than I did when I graduated from high school – heck, I didn’t even shed any tears when I graduated. This story is a huge part of me, it’s a huge part of these few years I’ve been in the fandom, and just…it represents more than just a love story to me. As I look back through the chapters, as I look through the words I’ve written, I can see so much of who I was and am in the story.
I’ve grown up with this story just as Yunho and Jaejoong have.
To me, it represents growth, learning, love, and so much more. When I look back through the chapters, I can remember conversations I had with other friends in this fandom – friends that have gone on to other things and left, friends who have stayed with me through the years, and of course, the friends who have supported me through these twenty months and twenty one days.
I’ve learned so much from this fandom that I consider myself to be a part of. Through the good and the bad, I don’t regret the time I’ve spent being a fan and shipper of YunJae. This fandom – from my readers, my friends, other shippers, and to even the crazies, have helped me grow into the person I am today, someone I am proud to be.
In particular, thank you so much to my readers and supporters. Without your unyielding and undying support, I don’t know if I would have finished this story or even stayed in this fandom as long as I have so far. You guys provide me so much inspiration, more than you may realize, and from the silent supporters to those who leave behind wonderful, witty, inspirational, and loving comments, it all means so much. This is the end, but I hope, that at the end of all this, you guys have also learned something from me in some way – and if you share whatever that is in a tweet, a message, or a comment, whether short or long, that would only make me happier to know I have touched you with something as simple as my writing.
Lastly, I can’t help but repeat, but thank you so much for everything. All this has been an incredible journey, an amazing ride, and an irreplaceable chapter of my life. This has truly been a learning process – one I am so glad to have been able to partake in with all of you. ♥
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little_passions) wrote2013-03-27 10:47 pm
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