Wow! What can I say? I cannot compare your story with taemun's. There's nothing to be compared. Same subject, indeed, but treated in veeery different writing maners. So, not to be compared, but analyzed in paralell. They are both just perfect and are completing one another.
In "When I see you from afar" we have a very short period of time (something like several minutes). Short enough to make it intense, to make your heart beating faster, and rapidly go to your butterflies to calm them down. Do they have enough time to meet eventually? Yes? No? They better do... And the heart beats faster... And the end [I told you taemun (http://taemun.livejournal.com/50788.html#t720740) you're the Grandmaster of the open endings] opens the path for a new chapter with a word: "Hey!"
"If" covers a longer period. Here we find out the beginnings, the acknowledgement, the longing, the purity of their feelings, the hope. Splendid description indeed. And the butterflies are there, a little bit nervous... And they meet - again - with the same hope, in the same moment as in the other story; the end, opening a path to another possible story, with the same frustrating word: "Hey!"
Now, you both should say "Hey!" to each other and start writing maybe a oneshot. Because... they met. And? This is it? Do you realize how frustrated we are? You are the authors, you write the rest of the story for us!
no subject
In "When I see you from afar" we have a very short period of time (something like several minutes). Short enough to make it intense, to make your heart beating faster, and rapidly go to your butterflies to calm them down.
Do they have enough time to meet eventually? Yes? No? They better do... And the heart beats faster...
And the end [I told you taemun (http://taemun.livejournal.com/50788.html#t720740) you're the Grandmaster of the open endings] opens the path for a new chapter with a word: "Hey!"
"If" covers a longer period. Here we find out the beginnings, the acknowledgement, the longing, the purity of their feelings, the hope. Splendid description indeed. And the butterflies are there, a little bit nervous... And they meet - again - with the same hope, in the same moment as in the other story; the end, opening a path to another possible story, with the same frustrating word: "Hey!"
Now, you both should say "Hey!" to each other and start writing maybe a oneshot. Because... they met. And? This is it? Do you realize how frustrated we are? You are the authors, you write the rest of the story for us!